So my large friend pointed out that I should not see problems as problems but see them as challenges... yes I know.. you've said this to me before as well...
So that means currently my challenges are getting up and setting myself up for the day...
How to cope with everything that's happening to me... I have no idea where I am supposed to go from here... I need some direction. or I need a start. or something. Where the hell does a person find this inside themselves? I've scratched around in the emptiness but all I find is more emptiness. I mean yes there are pockets of warmth connected to memories but how do I create a self-motivating source.
I've woken up from the same nightmare so many times now I've lost count how many different ways I've tried so far to stop it happening... is it just building on my feelings of futility or am I suppose to find a way eventually? I actually woke up loudly saying No once so far. learned now that talking is not something that helps in any way. Neither is running. I can never seem to go faster than anything else. why does everything feel so hopeless... is this just supposed to be another challenge?
Awake time is different though. My goal is just to do more today than I did yesterday. Let me see how that works. maybe with some chemical intervention later on it will go at a better pace than it currently is.
It's strange working through emotions together. It's clearly something I wanted for a very long time. I just had no idea how to start. I suppose that's my problem with everything in this world, that I don't know how to start.
I think I'll challenge myself to something, not sure what yet.
Your advice of just doing something is helping though. I'll just keep trying and not throw my arms in the air...
thank you
Signed with love,
M
So that means currently my challenges are getting up and setting myself up for the day...
How to cope with everything that's happening to me... I have no idea where I am supposed to go from here... I need some direction. or I need a start. or something. Where the hell does a person find this inside themselves? I've scratched around in the emptiness but all I find is more emptiness. I mean yes there are pockets of warmth connected to memories but how do I create a self-motivating source.
I've woken up from the same nightmare so many times now I've lost count how many different ways I've tried so far to stop it happening... is it just building on my feelings of futility or am I suppose to find a way eventually? I actually woke up loudly saying No once so far. learned now that talking is not something that helps in any way. Neither is running. I can never seem to go faster than anything else. why does everything feel so hopeless... is this just supposed to be another challenge?
Awake time is different though. My goal is just to do more today than I did yesterday. Let me see how that works. maybe with some chemical intervention later on it will go at a better pace than it currently is.
It's strange working through emotions together. It's clearly something I wanted for a very long time. I just had no idea how to start. I suppose that's my problem with everything in this world, that I don't know how to start.
I think I'll challenge myself to something, not sure what yet.
Your advice of just doing something is helping though. I'll just keep trying and not throw my arms in the air...
thank you
Signed with love,
M