everybody lies...
This is the universal truth. Why were we given the ability to fabricate realities in our minds?
Because the honest good reality is boring or it sucks.
Going through my history and looking at how I have behaved over so many years it's staggering to discover just how much of it is pretend. everything from simple conversations to just normal reactions to other's actions is on such a massive scale altered. I can't be the only one, and if I am not so special then why does everyone else do it while claiming that their favourite attribute in people is honesty. Maybe then it's about relative honesty because even when people are honest, are their reasons form being honest transparent? No
Everybody loves Sheldon on a screen but actually living with such a person would be intolerable. Even tact is in some way dishonest.
what about myself though. it sucks to realise I even lie to myself. For so long I believed I was more than I am, believed that I was in some way special. truth is I'm not. I was given the almost exact set of starting attributes than most humans. I cannot do anything that they cant do. all those things are just fantasy. The thing we dream about to comfort ourselves with the faint belief that we will one day be able to do those magics.
Even if you had magic, what would it bring you? I would still be afraid of dying. Magic just makes the likelihood of that happening go up. the truth sucks
So how the hell do I go from being a religious person (yes, because I just figured out that believing that you are in some way better or magical is just the same as believing a diety will help you when you suck) to being a practical one? Need to smell the roses. Look at a path and walk it, not dream of teleporting to the end. Maybe it's the people that don't have magical fantasies or don't dream that become successful in this life because to them they just see a path to be followed. I dunno
Fuck, living is difficult.
I'm glad I could be open with you for the first time in 10 years, but I ask myself why. Was it to lighten my own soul or was it for your benefit. In the end, I think its because you needed to know. It bothered me too much that you were judging me incorrectly. I think I want you to know exactly who you are choosing to spend your time with moving forward. I want to be harsh and matter-of-fact your sister's BF. I want to be someone who sees things for what they are, sees himself as he is without any imaginary fluff.
You won't agree with or like what I say next but not saying things now would be resorting to my old ways of hiding things from you.
10 year should count for something. So I'll make them pay dividends to you. I will chase you through your solo adventure until I can overtake you. I will be better than you at life. I have to be. Only then can I pull you forward with me.
Signed with love,
M
This is the universal truth. Why were we given the ability to fabricate realities in our minds?
Because the honest good reality is boring or it sucks.
Going through my history and looking at how I have behaved over so many years it's staggering to discover just how much of it is pretend. everything from simple conversations to just normal reactions to other's actions is on such a massive scale altered. I can't be the only one, and if I am not so special then why does everyone else do it while claiming that their favourite attribute in people is honesty. Maybe then it's about relative honesty because even when people are honest, are their reasons form being honest transparent? No
Everybody loves Sheldon on a screen but actually living with such a person would be intolerable. Even tact is in some way dishonest.
what about myself though. it sucks to realise I even lie to myself. For so long I believed I was more than I am, believed that I was in some way special. truth is I'm not. I was given the almost exact set of starting attributes than most humans. I cannot do anything that they cant do. all those things are just fantasy. The thing we dream about to comfort ourselves with the faint belief that we will one day be able to do those magics.
Even if you had magic, what would it bring you? I would still be afraid of dying. Magic just makes the likelihood of that happening go up. the truth sucks
So how the hell do I go from being a religious person (yes, because I just figured out that believing that you are in some way better or magical is just the same as believing a diety will help you when you suck) to being a practical one? Need to smell the roses. Look at a path and walk it, not dream of teleporting to the end. Maybe it's the people that don't have magical fantasies or don't dream that become successful in this life because to them they just see a path to be followed. I dunno
Fuck, living is difficult.
I'm glad I could be open with you for the first time in 10 years, but I ask myself why. Was it to lighten my own soul or was it for your benefit. In the end, I think its because you needed to know. It bothered me too much that you were judging me incorrectly. I think I want you to know exactly who you are choosing to spend your time with moving forward. I want to be harsh and matter-of-fact your sister's BF. I want to be someone who sees things for what they are, sees himself as he is without any imaginary fluff.
You won't agree with or like what I say next but not saying things now would be resorting to my old ways of hiding things from you.
10 year should count for something. So I'll make them pay dividends to you. I will chase you through your solo adventure until I can overtake you. I will be better than you at life. I have to be. Only then can I pull you forward with me.
Signed with love,
M